One of my very old friends has it. She moved away years ago, and yet somehow we stayed in touch. She calls me her best friend but the truth is we don't know each other very well.
In conversations with her over the years she began to change. I couldn't argue with her and as I was over a thousand miles away I didn't see much reason to. Her life was hectic and unstable so I thought the best thing I could do was be there for her. Still it was tiring. We never talked about me, it was always about her.
But then she was miles away, a voice on the phone once a month. So I didn't think it was much to give up; an hour once a month. What was that compared the hell I knew she went through, even it was she who put her through it?
And then the diagnosis came: B.P.D. and it explained everything.
Still I was there.
Years passed and she complained that the medications and pshyciatry did not do anything for her. Boyfriends shifted threw her hands so fast I could not keep up, and still I was there, a voice on the phone.
And then a ray of hope; a steady boyfriend, and engadgment. I didn't know the man, he did not have a very shiny past but so far at least he seemed to treat Amanda well and he offered her a way out, love and a home. And so I hoped, built him up in my mind and awaited the end of my telephonic babysitting. They came and visited me on their way to the farm he'd inherited. She was worse than I thought, with her B.P.D., and he was not much more mature. The woman in the car with them, though I doubt half the acccusations they leveled at her were valid, was not much more smarter. And I know this won't end now and I can't see a way out of this for her. She needs to go home, take her medicine and I need to stop playing the ideal for her, and argue back. I'm tired of this and I'm not sure I have done anything for her except reaffirm the illusions she's built around her. I don't know how to deal with B.P.D.
I'm tired of getting off the phone and realizing I couldn't say anything to her without hearing loud ceaseless yells. And frankly, I'm no good at argueing with children.
I'm not angry with her, its a fact. She is a child, she is mentally unstable and cannot help it, and I cannot help her.
I dread breaking this off though. There is no reason in her that I can appeal to and she will end up hateing me and blaming either herself or other people. Hopefully her fiance can comfort her but I wish I could make her go home and take her medicine. This is like my last boyfriend! Why is it I attract all these deadbeat relationships?! Helpless people I can't help clinging to me for helpless comfort, and yet if I broke them all off people would call me mean and a few of them would threaten suicide .
Should I just break off all these sham friendships? Some of these people I appreciate I just don't have anything in common with them, don't enjoy their company. It's spent pleasing them, building them up, they can't help it their the helpless ones. I just don't want to be a phyciatrist. I want to be an artist, a writer.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
We're having a baby!!
"I need to talk to you," is how my mother began.
"We have some BIG news"
"What?" I ask
And then rubbing her belly she says, "We're going to have a baby in the family"
I laughed at her.
and then she told me the truth, its my Aunt Maggie's and Uncle John's.
They are 5 weeks along, which means that my newest cousin was conceived in Memphis!
I think his name should be Elvis.
PLEASE EVERYBODY PRAY FOR ELVIS!! that he gets here safely, and is a whole and healthy baby. (and if God could squeeze in a Pricilla there I wouldn't complain either)
I just want to ask, who was thrown off by my tittle? Did I get anyone??
"We have some BIG news"
"What?" I ask
And then rubbing her belly she says, "We're going to have a baby in the family"
I laughed at her.
and then she told me the truth, its my Aunt Maggie's and Uncle John's.
They are 5 weeks along, which means that my newest cousin was conceived in Memphis!
I think his name should be Elvis.
PLEASE EVERYBODY PRAY FOR ELVIS!! that he gets here safely, and is a whole and healthy baby. (and if God could squeeze in a Pricilla there I wouldn't complain either)
I just want to ask, who was thrown off by my tittle? Did I get anyone??
Friday, December 12, 2008
Generation Gap
While listening to N.P.R. today I heard a very interesting movie review. In it, the reporter drew parallels between the three movies; The Reader, Doubt, and Gran Torino. The reporter says that the movies characterized the elders as intolerant and unfeeling, but that the new generation is "damaged, compromised, not necessarily a better guide to morality" as well. The exception, the reporter says, is in Gran Torino, (staring Clint Eastwood) where a bitter, racist, old veteran becomes a neighborhood hero when he breaks up a gang fight and inadvertently helps his Chinese immigrant neighbors. "He becomes for them what our society once valued, and what theirs still does; the wise protective elder capable of routing gangs and knowing instinctively what's right." That was what the reporter said anyway.
It made me think about my own evolving relationship with my parents. I have always been on relatively good terms with my parents and I have always valued their advice. Lately thought the true value of it seems to have gone down.
Even before I left for college I could tell things were changing. Their advice became less and less helpful and more and more hurtful. My relationship with my boyfriend for example, became something I felt unable to speak about. My boyfriend is a Catholic and I was raised a Protestant. When my parents realized how serious we were (we've been dating now for a year and a half now :)) they began to worry that I would marry into a mixed religion marriage. They fostered fears of marital problems, religiously confused or (perhaps worse for the alieness of it) Catholic grandchildren. (is alieness a word?) Even worse, I might turn Catholic myself. Their fear reflected itself in small worries about the very nature of our relationship. Whenever I came to them for advice my Mother sowed her worries into me. Then I would go and talk about it with my boyfriend, we might even have a spat over it, but every time I would eventually realize these worries were groundless.
Since I've stopped coming to them for advice so much the problems have stopped but I still miss them.
What I desperately wish I had, is a wise old elder, with a instinctual sense of right and wrong (and a good knowledge of Catholic and Protestant theology), who could talk to me calmly without judgement, and lead me to the truth.
Instead I find I have to defend myself and hide my thoughts from the whole world, and simultaneously find my way in the dark. Is this what it means to be a grown-up?
Where's Clint Eastwood when you need him?
It made me think about my own evolving relationship with my parents. I have always been on relatively good terms with my parents and I have always valued their advice. Lately thought the true value of it seems to have gone down.
Even before I left for college I could tell things were changing. Their advice became less and less helpful and more and more hurtful. My relationship with my boyfriend for example, became something I felt unable to speak about. My boyfriend is a Catholic and I was raised a Protestant. When my parents realized how serious we were (we've been dating now for a year and a half now :)) they began to worry that I would marry into a mixed religion marriage. They fostered fears of marital problems, religiously confused or (perhaps worse for the alieness of it) Catholic grandchildren. (is alieness a word?) Even worse, I might turn Catholic myself. Their fear reflected itself in small worries about the very nature of our relationship. Whenever I came to them for advice my Mother sowed her worries into me. Then I would go and talk about it with my boyfriend, we might even have a spat over it, but every time I would eventually realize these worries were groundless.
Since I've stopped coming to them for advice so much the problems have stopped but I still miss them.
What I desperately wish I had, is a wise old elder, with a instinctual sense of right and wrong (and a good knowledge of Catholic and Protestant theology), who could talk to me calmly without judgement, and lead me to the truth.
Instead I find I have to defend myself and hide my thoughts from the whole world, and simultaneously find my way in the dark. Is this what it means to be a grown-up?
Where's Clint Eastwood when you need him?
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Why I am boycotting Coka-Cola
When I told my mom I was boycotting coke it looked as though she were going to laugh at me. Boycotting was something that crazy vegetarians, hippies, and liberals did, not something any reasonable person would do. Yet is because it is reasonable that I do it.
But I also know that no reasonable person will listen to me unless I back up my claims, so, ahead of time, here is the evidence:
ttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e53-daB4E-Q
http://www.corporatecampaign.org/killer-coke/crimes-isidro.htm
http://www.commondreams.org/news2008/0814-11.htm
http://www.hrw.org/en/news/2004/06/09/el-salvador-child-labor-sugar-plantations
There is a whole lot more proof out there, but basicly I tried to post links that cover Coke's offenses in Columbia, India and El Salvador.
In Columbia Coke has repeatedly hired paramilatary thugs to kill union leaders and threaten workers not to join. Nine Union Leaders have been killed so far. If their families were not killed with them they are now in hiding.
Some people here in the USA make the argument that unions hurt more than they help, that workers do not need to worry about being treated fairly by their employers because the government's regulatory laws keep the companies in check (ironicly these same people who make this claim are often for the deregulation of the economy)
I do not agree with them and there is a lot of proof behind my claim, but that is a fight for another day. Today we are talking about Coke and Columbia, where the government has no regulation of companies in an effort to attract jobs. They are getting them alright, but with severely low pay and poor working conditions. When the workers try to band together Coke hires the same paramilataries that distablize the Columbian government to keep the workers from unionizing. And we wonder why people hate America when our ambassador companies treat them like shit?
Boycotting coke is simply part of being an active citizen, the same as voting. We need to ensure that our US based companies aren't making us enemies or commiting human rights violations.
We do not have a vote outside of our country, we only have buying power. Our buying power is our vote.
The next country where our dear American classic is acting up is in India. The factories in India are regularly accused of using up too much water and drain several wells that Indian farmers rely on. They have also been found guilty of having one to many pesticides in their Indian distributed sodas, where regulations are lax. To top it all off they have also been selling their waste products to unsuspecting farmers as a fertilizer. This poisons the crops as well as the soil. This comes back to haunt us at home when the USA imports food and spices from India.
Last of all: El Salvador. A sugar company there has been accused by Human Rights Watch of using child labor in the sugar cane feilds which the hummanitarian organization classiflys as extremely dangerous work.
To those unfeeling people who claim that it is the parent's fault for sending their kids to work instead of school, ask yourself if they would rather their child starve. Often times the family need the pay the child earns. They would not have to send their child to work if the USA pressured their companies there to give their adult workers fair wages. Then the children could eat and go to school. I do not think that any feeling parent wants to send their child to the sugar canes where they know they will be forever because of the lost schooling. But a unfed belly is a need thats more imminent.
Coke a Cola is the biggest buyer of sugar from this very company.
Some will tell me that if I intend on boycotting Coke then I should just boycott every company that acts up. I agree. I am trying to become more consumer aware. I am also boycotting Walmart and am looking into Hershey's. If any of you have further suggestions I would be grateful. I am not perfect in using my consumer power but I am in the process of getting there.
If I have convinced any of you then you should know that Coke also makes these products:
-Dasani Water
-Minete Maid Juice
- Dr. Pepper
Many highschools and colleges have moved to bane coke from their campuses. This is the most effective way to get Coke's attention because the company considers young people to be its primary audience. If they can get us to like them at a young age they figure they'll have us forever.
Here is a link to a list of schools that are banning Coke:
http://www.killercoke.org/active-in-campaign.htm
Also, if you are interested in trying to ban Coke from your school, then www.killercoke.org/ has resources available and a step by step guide of how to do just that.
But I also know that no reasonable person will listen to me unless I back up my claims, so, ahead of time, here is the evidence:
ttp://www.youtube.com/watc
http://www.corporatecampai
http://www.commondreams.or
http://www.hrw.org/en/news
There is a whole lot more proof out there, but basicly I tried to post links that cover Coke's offenses in Columbia, India and El Salvador.
In Columbia Coke has repeatedly hired paramilatary thugs to kill union leaders and threaten workers not to join. Nine Union Leaders have been killed so far. If their families were not killed with them they are now in hiding.
Some people here in the USA make the argument that unions hurt more than they help, that workers do not need to worry about being treated fairly by their employers because the government's regulatory laws keep the companies in check (ironicly these same people who make this claim are often for the deregulation of the economy)
I do not agree with them and there is a lot of proof behind my claim, but that is a fight for another day. Today we are talking about Coke and Columbia, where the government has no regulation of companies in an effort to attract jobs. They are getting them alright, but with severely low pay and poor working conditions. When the workers try to band together Coke hires the same paramilataries that distablize the Columbian government to keep the workers from unionizing. And we wonder why people hate America when our ambassador companies treat them like shit?
Boycotting coke is simply part of being an active citizen, the same as voting. We need to ensure that our US based companies aren't making us enemies or commiting human rights violations.
We do not have a vote outside of our country, we only have buying power. Our buying power is our vote.
The next country where our dear American classic is acting up is in India. The factories in India are regularly accused of using up too much water and drain several wells that Indian farmers rely on. They have also been found guilty of having one to many pesticides in their Indian distributed sodas, where regulations are lax. To top it all off they have also been selling their waste products to unsuspecting farmers as a fertilizer. This poisons the crops as well as the soil. This comes back to haunt us at home when the USA imports food and spices from India.
Last of all: El Salvador. A sugar company there has been accused by Human Rights Watch of using child labor in the sugar cane feilds which the hummanitarian organization classiflys as extremely dangerous work.
To those unfeeling people who claim that it is the parent's fault for sending their kids to work instead of school, ask yourself if they would rather their child starve. Often times the family need the pay the child earns. They would not have to send their child to work if the USA pressured their companies there to give their adult workers fair wages. Then the children could eat and go to school. I do not think that any feeling parent wants to send their child to the sugar canes where they know they will be forever because of the lost schooling. But a unfed belly is a need thats more imminent.
Coke a Cola is the biggest buyer of sugar from this very company.
Some will tell me that if I intend on boycotting Coke then I should just boycott every company that acts up. I agree. I am trying to become more consumer aware. I am also boycotting Walmart and am looking into Hershey's. If any of you have further suggestions I would be grateful. I am not perfect in using my consumer power but I am in the process of getting there.
If I have convinced any of you then you should know that Coke also makes these products:
-Dasani Water
-Minete Maid Juice
- Dr. Pepper
Many highschools and colleges have moved to bane coke from their campuses. This is the most effective way to get Coke's attention because the company considers young people to be its primary audience. If they can get us to like them at a young age they figure they'll have us forever.
Here is a link to a list of schools that are banning Coke:
http://www.killercoke.org/
Also, if you are interested in trying to ban Coke from your school, then www.killercoke.org/ has resources available and a step by step guide of how to do just that.
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