Rite of Welcoming

She knocks hard on the door, and it echos. Father Paul's voice calls out behind it, bidding us to enter.
We enter single file. Eliot's hand is warm on my shoulder and my stomach quiets, a little. Father Paul asks each of us, "What is your name, and what do want of the Church?" I was too nervous to say more than, "Alyssa Michie," and "To become a catholic" but what I really wanted to say was, "To become a part of God's universal family."
We line up in front of the congregation, our sponcers facing us. Eliot, makes the sign of the cross on my forhead, on my ears, mouth, eyes, heart, shoulders, hands and feet. Its not until they get to the shoulders that I remember to pay attention to Father Paul's words. I can't remember them now though. I just remember feeling sealed like a letter.
The other Catechumens and I verbally agree to our belief in the Gospel and the church. At a question from Father Paul, our sponcers say "Yes," they have found us to be genuinely seeking the truth. And then the congregation verbally agrees to help the rest of the chatechumens and I on our spiritual journeys. It was a little like a marriage ceremony, that part.
So, I am not fully, in writing, Catholic now. I am technically called a "Catechumin." But if I died tommarow I would get a Catholic burial.
It feels good. I'm not sure what else to say. All the glam and revelation happened before this and led me to this, so comparitively its not that exciting, but it leaves me feeling happy, and accepted. Like a strong sunny golden day. Simple and good.
I love my new family!

Evangelism; Catholic and Fundamentalist Protestant attitudes

Sometimes I still feel like a goat in sheep's clothing; thinking in the pattern of a protestant. But when I go to Mass, or read about the saints or pray the rosary; whenever I remember the "great crowd of witnesses" around me, that's when I feel the most Catholic; the most universally connected with Christians around the globe and all throughout history and in heaven.

Still, the residual goat inside of me lets out a bleat sometimes. One particular thing that its found interesting to chew on is the catholic attitude towards evangelism. There is a direct rejection of fundamentalism, with all its culture and attitudes. This is not to say that there aren't Catholic Fundamentalists, they're just a minority. This rejection of fundamentalism stems from a deep-seated sense of persecution, both from the fundamentalists themselves, and from the secular world that paints the catholic church with the fundamentalist brush.


( The difference between Catholic Fundamentalists and Protestant Fundamentalists is that PF's take everything in the Bible to the extreme w/o always fully understanding the context and over all meaning, while CF's take everything in the Catachism to the extreme. I could talk more about this but thats for another blog. )

Simply said, catholics get made fun of on TV, in movies, in pop culture and history class, and catholics are afraid that if we start preaching on street corners people will start burning our churches instead of just using words. Its not as an acute a fear as perhaps the Jews. The last time christians were persecuted in the western hemisphere was hundreds of years ago, but the fear is still there, and its anxious, simmering, and unspoken. The KKK doesn't just hate black folks you know. For example, David, one of my RCIA buddies, just found out that he's been "disfellowshiped" by his family's church. No one in that church is supposed to talk to him, even his parents. Lucky for him though his family doesn't care. He's got one of those families with every different family member in a different denomination, so one extra catholic after a priest uncle isn't that big a deal.

Anyways, going along with this fear of stepping up on the soap box is the belief that this tactic doesn't work anyways. Which came first, the feeling or the belief is up for debate. Regardless though, these beliefs are coralated.

But what Catholic evangelism is, is service. The Catholic Church is the single largest charitable organization on earth. The catholic mission plan is to live within the community, and work on provideing for the needs of the that community while remaining open and willing to talk about the faith. In the catholic church its more of a priority that a young catholic know the location of the nearest soup kitchen he can help out at than knowing all the books in the Bible. This tactic can backfire, because it is helpful to know the books of the Bible, and our Human Relations Dept may not be as top notch as Donald Miller but at least we have the integrity part down. Besides, who needs Donald Miller when you've got Augestine or Thomas Aquinas?

(Donald Miller is the author of Blue Like Jazz)

Progress- the unfair race where only God has feet

After I finally told my parents I was catholic, the first two conversations I had about religion with my parents, I didn't get a chance to say much. They were more like lectures than conversations.

It's been hard to have a deep conversation with them.
Being the good kid seems to have back fired on me. Neither of us can handle my "rebellion" if you can call it that.

There is so much hurt on both sides of this, and I haven't known what to do about it!
When they came to visit for parents weekend I had a lot of hope. For the most part it was nice. We talked, and had fun. It was good to be around them again. They even offered to come to church with me! (that fell thru due to a long game and sleeping in late but still!)
Its just when I tried to explain to my mother why she couldn't take communion in a Catholic church, the theology behind it and all that, she took it as a personal offense, and seemed to think it meant that we beleive only Catholics go to heaven. She got hurt, upset, and started spouting angry comments about things Catholics 'supossedly' believe and wouldn't let me speak. That was a bad day.

I've been calling them less often now. After bad days like that I just want to hole myself up in Knoxville with friends and school and I try my hardest to forget I even came from Memphis. It gets too depressing sometimes. Some craddle catholic friends tell me how brave I must be, and it feels nice to be complimented, even when I know its not true.
Converting isn't "heroic", it isn't "cool". It's just the shitty places life takes you through.

Today though it wasn't so shitty after all. I finally called my mom and dad. I told my dad how much it meant to me that they offered to come to church with me, and I apoligized to Mom for inadvertantly hurting her feelings. And you know what? We actually had a good conversation about the theology of the Eucharist/Communion and about Church traditions in general. It was really encouraging. It wasn't as awkward as I thought. It was civil, we both heard each other's opinions. I don't know how it happened.

Going through stuff like this, this summer has made me realize how little things depend on me. I've done practically nothing, I've not had much of a chance to regardless, but somehow, God has made progress in their hearts. I just stood by and got to watch.

The next bad day I hope I won't act like such a wuss. I hope I'll have more confidence in God's capability. Funny how that's so hard to grasp.

Thank you so much Lord, for this blessing!!!

we hide things

I really hate jazz class.
I am always in a bad mood after class and today I went and cried in the bathroom in frustration and self hatred afterwards.

And yet this class may just be the answer to my prayers.

I just wish I felt I was getting somewhere. I'm sick of being bad at this!

There it is. I'm sick of being so stupidly inanely repeatedly bad at this. It's not even about embarressing myself in front of classmates anymore. We've gotten to know each other and even the little miss perfect at the front of the class has turned out to be such a good hearted, unjudging person. Its about me now. Its always about me. I am frustrated and disappointed at myself for not being even averagely smart at this, like I am with school and swimming.

A little before school started I started to realize how prideful I am. If I kept all the commandments I'd make up for it by breaking that one a million time over. So I foolishly prayed for humility and a repentant heart. Just goes to show you how dangerous reading the Imitation of Chirst (part of what made me pray that prayer) can be.

This Jazz class is turning out to be the answer to my prayers. I'm beginning to realize how much of my self esteem I derive from comparing myself to others. Most crumble under the weight of shame when they fall into this habbit but it just goes to show the strength of my survival instincts that I also developed an ego to supliment the comparison habbit. Coke and Heroin must be great together.

So here I am guys, at the pits; realizing my problem and having no idea of how to change the way I think. God's really got to work some miracles here. Here it comes! The big lolly pop of repentance in all its hairy self. They say it comes in two flavors; crow and foot.
Tickets to watch me eat it are on sale Tuesdays and Thursdays 2:30- 3:30 in the left hand gym of the UTK dance studio.

Dancing Feet

It starts with the feet.
I've never a noticed dancer's feet before. I was always comfortably fenced off a few yards from them, in a theater seat or bleachers- just close enough to admire the way their bodies swam through the air but never close enough to see their feet.
We were all sitting on the floor in a huddle at the start of my first Jazz Dance class. The instructor was taking role, and the gymasium was quietly humming with the nervous chatter of girls in their tights, and sweat pants.
A few of us sat with our feet hidden beneath our normally-proportioned thighs, others let them lay limp in front, using their wrists to support their back; our limp ankles leaving our bare feet to flicker with whatever tune passed through our head.
Other girls though, had brought real dance shoes with them. I had never seen dancing shoes up close. They are not beautiful. They hug the toe like latex, add unnatural padding to the bottoms of your feet and add at least and inch to the height of your arch. Your philanges, nails and veins turn into one smooth glob, like an animals's foot.
I looked at my feet. Speckled with the scars of this summer's moiskitos, faintly red around the ankle where I shaved to hard, I want to console them, and apoligize for not taking care of them more. My left big toenail- white fat and stubbly from an infection I got in 5th grade at Disney World- is particurly sullen. My teacher sits up straight and talking, with her legs twisted around her like thick dozing snakes. Her feet are pointed, sharp, hungry. She fingers them like a hunter fingers his gun, an artist his brush, a lion trainer his cats. She and her legs; the two are unconnected.
Then comes the lesson; "On your feet, everybody."
Pirouette, plie, pas jete, glisse, ligne, the vocabulary doesn't come as fast as the steps, as the basics. Spin to other side of the room, don't loose sight of the wall, go faster, else the others will run into you, now leap, but skip, do a split midair, don't bend your knees, faster now, faster.
Any Questions?
It's just me and the fat girl in the back of the class.
After school they come plying with their pity. Sweet swans in their simpering leotards.
The front girl, the one whose many runs in her "tard" number the amount of hours, weeks and years spent propelling her to the front, comes to "teach" you. "You'll get it eventually. I've been doing it since I was eight, but I'm out of shape now since I havn't danced since Nationals, Have you ever danced before?"
And I, trying not to hate her, change the topic.
School. "I'm double majoring in Psych and History, and Minoring in Language. Took so many AP courses I was only 4 credits away from a History major anyway.
Ok, lets try hobbies..
Hobbies? Not much. I'm the sorta girl who does her homework and the splits at the same time,.."
and we're back to dance again...
"You should really wear something better than jeans next time, I'll lend you some of my old dancing shoes."
Her long gold hair waives goodbye to me at the door of my domatory, and I know that I will hate her less after the extra practise lessons with my instructor. I look down.
My feet don't appear any better, red on the side of my big toe where I was spinning, and pumped full with lactic acid that extends to my hips. But wait,- look again.
Yes, they don't look much different, except that, they've already become a "them," a tool, a paint brush, that, however clumsily, will take me anywhere.

Clement of Rome

The long tittle of this letter is: The First Epistle of Clement to the Corinthians.
For some reason I associate rather boring old men with name of "Clement" but I was a bit interested when I read the bio.
This is the oldest Christian document, apart from the Bible itself. It takes the form of a sermon, and most Bible scholars seem pretty confident of its authority as well.
It's author is Clement, who is mentioned as the fourth in the most reliable lists of the Bishops of Rome. (Some scholars have identified him with the Clement mentioned in Phillippians, but of that we're not sure, Clement was a common name.)
The date for this epistle is somewhere around AD 96.
The letter starts off with an apology for not writing sooner (Emperor Dominican was busy killing them) and states that the letter is written in reference to "the odious and unholy breach of unity amoung you which is quite incompatible with God's chosen people." I really didn't know what exactly it meant by that until the very end of the letter. Apparently it was a well known issue at least. The way Clement speaks, reminds me of Dumbldore. He's very polite and tactful in his criticism. Like a old well liked and talented teacher he never gets you frustrated or angry, but elicits a sort of almost accidental shame in you. Clement started off talking about how good a reputation the Corinthians used to have, and how wonderful all of that was. It kind of reminded me how, when you need to tell someone something unpleasent, you always compliment them first; an ancient Roman equivilent of "I love your shoes!"
Clement then gently slips into the gritty stuff with a few lengthly quotes from the Old Testament (there are like 60million OldT quotes in this letter, it felt that way at least) all to get to the point of how Jealously ruins everything. Then Clement talks about the example the Apostles set them, of Peter and Paul's martyrdom because of the Jew's jealousy.
Then just as people realize, "Oh snap! He's shaking his finger at us!" he starts talking very nonchalantly about forgiveness.
"Let us be done with these barren and vapid fancies, and turn instead to the honorable, holy Rule of our tradition, so that we can find out was is good and pleasing and acceptable in the sight of Him who made us."
- this quote is important because it is a reminder that the early church did not get the majority of its authority from written scripture- there simply was not enough access to it in a world where everything was handwritten-- but from tradition. It hadn't been that long since the apostles, and people knew that if the apostles did it, it was probably safe. This is also a phrase that was used a lot in (I think it was exodus or deutoronomy) Old T scriptures where God keeps admonishing the to "pass this tradition along to your children"
Clement keeps on in this vein, of trying to convince the Corinthians to leave their pride, and stubborness for the next 3 pages with long quotes from the Old Testament, and quite a few scriptures that became the New Testament (Paul's letter to the Corinthians, Peter's First Epistle and Hebrews) This guy was clearly well educated. (he's a bit more verbose than Dumbledore, but as I read this I found myself getting warmed up to the idea of a Pope Dumbledore, or a even a Bishop or Priest Dumby- he always seemed to warm to be a teacher to me)
He then goes on to draw examples from contemporary Greek and Roman Philosophers of the day, particurly the Stoics, only he puts their philosophies under a Christian perspective.
- interesting tidbit- he mentions the Pheonix bird, which he says exists in Arabia. This kinda instance reminded of me of Job and his fire-breathing leviathan. This just goes to show you the strength of the gossiping-old-women-newswire of the time.
Clement then goes into talking about how important good works are, how much God requires them of his people. Again I am skipping over lots of long OldT quotes here. He then leads into how important unity is in "Christ's body" Here it is evident that the Church is seen as Christ's physical body on earth.
Clement then mentions the old hierarchy in Judism that God had set up, and how people should respect God's divine institutions.

Then, like a thunder and clash of fallen book shelves, comes this passage;
"Now the Gospel was given to the Apostles for us by the Lord Jesus Christ; and Jesus Christ was sent from God. That is to say, Christ recieved His commission from God, and the Apostles theirs from Christ. The order fo these two events was in accordance with the will of God. So thereafter, went the Apostles had been given their instructions, and all their doubts had been set at rest by the resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ from the dead, they set out in the full assurance of the Holy Spirit to proclaim the coming of God's kingdom. And as they went through the territories and townships preaching, they appointed their first converts- after testing them by the Spirit- to be bishops and deacons for the believers of the future. (This was in no way an innovation for bishops and deacons had already been spoken of in Scripture long before that; there is a text that says, "I will confirm their bishops in righteousness, and their deacons in faith") (Issaih 60.17)
He then talks about Moses and how at one time the people grumbled that only the Levites could be priests.
Clement then again says,
"Similarly our Apostles knew, through our Lord Jesus Christ, that there would be dissensions over the tittle of bishop. In their full foreknowledge of this, therefore, they proceeded to appoint the ministers I spoke of, and they went on to add instruction that if these should fall asleep, other accredited persons should suceed them in their office. In this view we cannot think it right for these men now to be ejected from their ministry, when after being commissioned by the Apostles (or by other reputable persons at a later date) with the full consent of the Church, they have since been serving Christ's flock in a humble, peaceable, and disinterested way, earning everybody's approval over so long a period of time... You, however, as we notice in more than one instance have now turned men out of an office in which they were serving honourably and without the least reproach."
Clement admonishes the Corinthians, and calls opposition to God's ministers, impious.
"It is shameful, my dear friends, shameful in the extreme, and quite unworthy of the Christian training you have had, that the loyal and ancient church of Corinth, because of one or two individuals, should now be reputed to be at odds with its clergy."
The rest of the letter goes on in much the same vein.

I cede to the fact that there is no hard evidence for the Pope's position in this epistle but the importance of Apostolic succession is hard to refute. Early church philosophy clearly seems to state that to be without Apostolic authority is to be outside of the Body of Christ, and there-in not united with Jesus, and his body, and all those complex deep analogies that Jesus used to say that you had to be a part of him to be saved, and have life fully.
Well, I hope this was informative and not boring, but if all you walk away with is an image of Pope Dumbledore,well then I won't be satisfied but the person at the back of my head who still plays with Barbie dolls will be.

Old Fogies, Definitions, and Game Plan

Ok, so the next Apostolic Father we're going to tackle is Clement of Rome, but before we get any further we need to cover some basic vocabulary.

Apostolic Father-- Those men who had direct contact with the Apostles and/or Jesus. We're talking about the 1st, 2nd, and a lil of the 3rd generation Christians. Most of these date around the late first, early second century. This is before Constantine, and back in the good ole days with lions and tigers and,.. coloseums.

Church Father-- Those men who had contact with the Apostolic Fathers and on into the fifth century. These are the great theologians and old-time C.S. Lewis's who developed major Christian beliefs and theologies. Commonly called Doctors of the Church by Catholics.

Common List of Apostolic Fathers (the ones I am studying) as taken from http://www.theopedia.com/Apostolic_Fathers

-Clement of Rome, the third successor to Peter as Bishop of Rome, "had seen the blessed Apostles (Peter and Paul) and had been conversant with them" (Irenaeus, Adversus Haereses, III, iii, 3).

-Ignatius of Antioch was the second successor of Peter in the See of Antioch (Eusebius, Hist. Eccl., III, 36) and during his life in the center of Christian activity he may have met with others of the Apostolic band. An accepted tradition, substantiated by the similarity of Ignatius's thought with the ideas of the Johannine writings, declares that he was a disciple of the Apostle John.

-Polycarp was "instructed by Apostles" (Irenaeus, op. cit., III, iii, 4) and had been a disciple of John (Eusebius, op. cit., III, 36; V, 20) whose contemporary he was for nearly twenty years. He later trained Irenaeus as a disciple, thus giving Irenaeus' teachings great reliability and authority.

-The Didache, also known as The Teaching of the Lord to the Gentiles by the Twelve Apostles, or The Teaching of the (Twelve) Apostles is basically a handbook or manual of Christian ethical instruction and church order (Holmes, Dictionary of the Later New Testament & Its Developments, p. 301).

-The Epistle of Barnabas is an early second century document concerned with showing that Christians are the true heirs of God's covenant. Its author remains anonymous.

-The Shepherd of Hermas was a popular document in the second and third centuries. It's significance rests in that it sheds light on the Christian situation at Rome in the mid-second century. The author(s) is unknown.

List of Writings: (red are ones I have read, blue are ones I plan on reading)

-The Epistle to Diognetus (this one is hard to date and might also be of a later date)

-The First Epistle of Clement

-The Second Epistle of Clement (not actually written by Clement, but still a very early writing)

-The Didache

-The Epistle of Barnabas

-Seven short Epistles of Ignatius (the longer forms of these Epistles, and those beyond the seven, are widely considered later emendations and forgeries)

-The Epistle of Polycarp -- reading this one right now!!

-The Epistle about Polycarp's Martyrdom

-The Shepard of Hermas

-The fragments from the writings of Papias, which have survived as quotations by later writers

-One short fragment from a writing by Quadratus of Athens

A Review of Al-Jezeerah and other news stations

So, its been a few weeks now and I've gotten a chance to really get a feel for Al-Jezeerah, so I thought I'd post my review.

First, the most important issue: trustworethiness. The style of journalism that Al-Jezeerah uses reminds me of the BBC reporters who-- rather mercilessly sometimes, but always to the benefit of the public-- tend to hound their interviewees and not let them avoid giving a real answer. They back up their information alot. I am impressed with the amount of references and the effort to get as many different opinions on an issue as possible. I also really appreciate how they report things and events in Europe and the Americas that other western news stations do not. Different things catch their reporter's attentions, than ours.

On the bias-factor they rate pretty average. I treasure them for their outside, sometimes overly critical view of Europe and the Americas. They don't cut us any slack, but to a person who is interested in international relations, the insight into the Middle Eastern view of us, is like the choicest green apple sucker in a candy shop full of pink and red. Honestly though, they only criticize us about as much as our leading parties criticize whatever other party is ruling for the moment, and a mite less than FOX criticizes everybody but itself.

Obviously their bias tends to lead them to showing the Middle East and North Africa in a slightly kinder light. They've been doing a running series where they talk about Media blind spots around the world-- places where the freedom of speech is limited. They've talked plenty about the Indian and North African regions, but at the end of one of their programs they did a very quick two minuete story on how Arabia is censoring the internet and tracking its citizens on it. It was very cursory but I would have thought, considering Arabia's importance in the Middle Eastern population, that it would have a much bigger story. I apprechiate the increased and in-depth coverage of North Africa on Al-Jezeerah but I don't find myself listening to it to find out events in the Middle East, so much as attitudes.

For example, they did a piece on how the International Criminal Court called for the arrest of the leader of Sudan, in responce to the crisis in Darfur. The Sudanese people went out on the streets in protest, claiming that they did not recognize the ICC, and why should their president be arrested when former President Bush roamed free? Basically the whole article was about how the Middle East saw this, not as a just law and mandate, but as evidence of the predjudice the europeans and americans have for muslims.
My responce to which, is this: ITS FREAKIN DARFUR GENOCIDE MAN! OF COURSE WE'RE GONNA ARREST HIM!
but it goes to show how very sensitive the Middle Eastern people are feeling right now.

Al-Jezeerah also seems to be preoccupied with the changing face of journalism these days, and they talk about the influence of facebook and twitter a lot. As a journalism student, I find these pieces very interesting and exciting, but to someone less interested I can easily see them wondering why Al-Jezeerah seems to do more reporting on reporting than doing actual reporting. It may just be because of their Media Blind Spots series that the subject comes up so often though, it may not be like this normally.

Between my 3 news stations, NPR, BBC, and Al-Jezeerah, I still find the BBC is best for the least biased content. Al-Jezeerah provides some of the most in-depth, well researched content, and NPR is good for local and national news.

Didache Untangled

So, here I was planning to describe what insights I gained about the early church from this Didache.
I'll skip over the 1st 6 chapters, which say really most of what I've read in the Bible

In Chapter 7 the Didache instructs its audience to recite the Our Father/Lord's Prayer 3 times a day.

There is no practise in Protestant sects I've run into, that takes this attitude towards prayer, worship and the like except the Catholic Church. This similarity disturbed me, and I wondered why, if the Church of Christ were supposed to be the revived early church, didn't its members follow the Didache's instructions.
I was further disturbed by Ch9, The Eucharist.
Apparently the early church worship was centered on the eucharist, and they were organized. They had perscibed prayers and a set order of worship. If scholars had read this Didache like I had, I wondered why the Church of Christ wasn't more centered on the Eucharist/Communion.
Also this spoke to early church theology as well. If their worship was centered on the Eucharist, it only follows that their theology was as well. You only do things if they have meaning.
Could it be that the early church held the belief of Transubstantiation?

(Transubstantiation- the belief that the bread and wine of the Eucharist are in fact the real and present body and blood of Jesus, not just a symbol of him)

While I had laughed at the idea of Transubstantiation before this document quieted me. What if the early church did believe in Transubstantiation, and the babtizing of babies? These things didn't make sense to me as is, but if the apostles did them, then maybe I was the one who was wrong, who misunderstood christianity. After all, christians are supposed to believe in miracles right? Why not these miracles?

Even if I was jumping the gun, the list of set prayers at least defeated the Protestant argument that stuff like that was listed amoug the burdensome rules of the old jewish law. I could see no basis for Prostestant critisism of the Mass anymore.

Ch11 bothered me for this verse:
"Let every apostle who comes to you be received as the Lord."
Why the word apostle? Why not "one of the apostles"? The translator surely didnt' mean a generic prophet, because he uses the word elsewhere in the document. Here though, he uses the word "apostle." This made me nervous because it hinted at a possible doctrine of apostolic sucession, through which the Catholic church claim's the Pope's authority.

Ch13 : "Every first-fruit, therefore, of the products of wine-press and threshing-floor, of oxen and of sheep, you shall take and give to the prophets, for they are your high priests. But if you have no prophet, give it to the poor."
A common criticism of Protestants towards the Catholic church is that the church has no need of priests, that a person does not have to go through another person to get to God. This is a very individualistic, american pattern of thinking. I can think of no other culture that has a problem with the idea of priests, including it seems, the early christian church. This is not to say that a person with no access to a priest cannot reach God. Communion with God is reached through Christ's Blood, and through Christ's Body on earth-- the Church-- i.e.- through other christians who can help you through their guidence and wisdom. Protestant's can't criticize Priests without gettting rid of thier own pastors, deacons, and elders. Other than sanctify the eucharist, which as a sacrefice usually calls for the roll of a priest, I have not seen Priests do anything that Pastors don't. Pastors even take confession after a fashion, just simply in a less organized way.

All these thoughts rattled me. I went to the WhiteStation/Grace Crossing summer camp shortly after reading this, and tried to ask the leaders there but I could get no answer. When I set up a meeting with a Harding Grad School Proffessor he could only say that he didn't want to discredit some of the things Ignatius said, because other stuff he said was vital to Protestant theology. In other words, Protestants only followed 1/2, and yet they still listed these sources as realiable accounts. It didn't make sense to me. It still doesn't.
I am just about to finish up Clement's letter the Corinthians, so I'll do him next time.

Podcast Invasion

So,
I am going to post all that stuff I got from reading the Didache,... when I get (off my lazy butt and) around to it.
I just wanted to drop a line about my first expierience listening to Aljezeera.
Wow! Top headlines from the first one I listened to: Foreign Journalists that the USA has locked Up/ Review of how American Journalism talks about torture / what Obama is releasing from the Bush-torture era, and what he's not/ an article on fake-Pentagon fabricated articles in America's leading Newspapers (some how Bush released enough people from Guantanamo to come up with the statistic that 1/7 detainees returned to Jihad)
And I thought the BBC was unbiased! Wow
My favorite line, "the so-called 'War on Terror'"
Its like listening to what all the other people say behind your back through a conviently placed hole in the air pipe that runs between the boy's and girl's bathroom.
Its called the Aljezeera Listening Post if anyone's interested, and its free subscription

I've also subscribed to (and these are all free of iTunes)
-BBC Radio Newspod
-NPR Books Podcast
-NPR Fresh Air Podcast
-NPR Religion Podcast
-NPR Talk of the Nation
-The Onion Radio News
-The show with zeFrank (mmmduckies!)

The Didache

This was the first early christian document i read. Since it is so short (1pg) I'm going to just copy and paste it here so everyone can read it. But first, a little backstory.
The Didache is proportedly written by the apostles, though nobody is really sure about that. Most scholars seem to date it around the end of the first century. That is important because according to the general popular protestant consensus (or my gauge of it, correct me if I'm wrong alota protestants disagree on what date the early church died but this date is at least in keeping with the protestant circles I've run in) the early church was good up till the 2nd century during which it weakened and by the 3rd century it was the unreliable mush pot of the catholic church. Also other copies of the earliest didache match up even though they're 100 plus years apart. so this is a fairly reliable document so far as I understand. Enough bio, here's the real thing:In my net blog I'll disect what I learned and understand from it, but for now I think its good for you to be given a chance to draw you're own conclusions.

The DidacheThe Lord's Teaching Through the Twelve Apostles to the Nations.
Chapter 1. The Two Ways and the First Commandment. There are two ways, one of life and one of death, but a great difference between the two ways. The way of life, then, is this: First, you shall love God who made you; second, love your neighbor as yourself, and do not do to another what you would not want done to you. And of these sayings the teaching is this: Bless those who curse you, and pray for your enemies, and fast for those who persecute you. For what reward is there for loving those who love you? Do not the Gentiles do the same? But love those who hate you, and you shall not have an enemy. Abstain from fleshly and worldly lusts. If someone strikes your right cheek, turn to him the other also, and you shall be perfect. If someone impresses you for one mile, go with him two. If someone takes your cloak, give him also your coat. If someone takes from you what is yours, ask it not back, for indeed you are not able. Give to every one who asks you, and ask it not back; for the Father wills that to all should be given of our own blessings (free gifts). Happy is he who gives according to the commandment, for he is guiltless. Woe to him who receives; for if one receives who has need, he is guiltless; but he who receives not having need shall pay the penalty, why he received and for what. And coming into confinement, he shall be examined concerning the things which he has done, and he shall not escape from there until he pays back the last penny. And also concerning this, it has been said, Let your alms sweat in your hands, until you know to whom you should give.Chapter 2. The Second Commandment: Grave Sin Forbidden. And the second commandment of the Teaching; You shall not commit murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not commit pederasty, you shall not commit fornication, you shall not steal, you shall not practice magic, you shall not practice witchcraft, you shall not murder a child by abortion nor kill that which is born. You shall not covet the things of your neighbor, you shall not swear, you shall not bear false witness, you shall not speak evil, you shall bear no grudge. You shall not be double-minded nor double-tongued, for to be double-tongued is a snare of death. Your speech shall not be false, nor empty, but fulfilled by deed. You shall not be covetous, nor rapacious, nor a hypocrite, nor evil disposed, nor haughty. You shall not take evil counsel against your neighbor. You shall not hate any man; but some you shall reprove, and concerning some you shall pray, and some you shall love more than your own life.Chapter 3. Other Sins Forbidden. My child, flee from every evil thing, and from every likeness of it. Be not prone to anger, for anger leads to murder. Be neither jealous, nor quarrelsome, nor of hot temper, for out of all these murders are engendered. My child, be not a lustful one. for lust leads to fornication. Be neither a filthy talker, nor of lofty eye, for out of all these adulteries are engendered. My child, be not an observer of omens, since it leads to idolatry. Be neither an enchanter, nor an astrologer, nor a purifier, nor be willing to took at these things, for out of all these idolatry is engendered. My child, be not a liar, since a lie leads to theft. Be neither money-loving, nor vainglorious, for out of all these thefts are engendered. My child, be not a murmurer, since it leads the way to blasphemy. Be neither self-willed nor evil-minded, for out of all these blasphemies are engendered.Rather, be meek, since the meek shall inherit the earth. Be long-suffering and pitiful and guileless and gentle and good and always trembling at the words which you have heard. You shall not exalt yourself, nor give over-confidence to your soul. Your soul shall not be joined with lofty ones, but with just and lowly ones shall it have its intercourse. Accept whatever happens to you as good, knowing that apart from God nothing comes to pass.Chapter 4. Various Precepts. My child, remember night and day him who speaks the word of God to you, and honor him as you do the Lord. For wherever the lordly rule is uttered, there is the Lord. And seek out day by day the faces of the saints, in order that you may rest upon their words. Do not long for division, but rather bring those who contend to peace. Judge righteously, and do not respect persons in reproving for transgressions. You shall not be undecided whether or not it shall be. Be not a stretcher forth of the hands to receive and a drawer of them back to give. If you have anything, through your hands you shall give ransom for your sins. Do not hesitate to give, nor complain when you give; for you shall know who is the good repayer of the hire. Do not turn away from him who is in want; rather, share all things with your brother, and do not say that they are your own. For if you are partakers in that which is immortal, how much more in things which are mortal? Do not remove your hand from your son or daughter; rather, teach them the fear of God from their youth. Do not enjoin anything in your bitterness upon your bondman or maidservant, who hope in the same God, lest ever they shall fear not God who is over both; for he comes not to call according to the outward appearance, but to them whom the Spirit has prepared. And you bondmen shall be subject to your masters as to a type of God, in modesty and fear. You shall hate all hypocrisy and everything which is not pleasing to the Lord. Do not in any way forsake the commandments of the Lord; but keep what you have received, neither adding thereto nor taking away therefrom. In the church you shall acknowledge your transgressions, and you shall not come near for your prayer with an evil conscience. This is the way of life.Chapter 5. The Way of Death. And the way of death is this: First of all it is evil and accursed: murders, adultery, lust, fornication, thefts, idolatries, magic arts, witchcrafts, rape, false witness, hypocrisy, double-heartedness, deceit, haughtiness, depravity, self-will, greediness, filthy talking, jealousy, over-confidence, loftiness, boastfulness; persecutors of the good, hating truth, loving a lie, not knowing a reward for righteousness, not cleaving to good nor to righteous judgment, watching not for that which is good, but for that which is evil; from whom meekness and endurance are far, loving vanities, pursuing revenge, not pitying a poor man, not laboring for the afflicted, not knowing Him Who made them, murderers of children, destroyers of the handiwork of God, turning away from him who is in want, afflicting him who is distressed, advocates of the rich, lawless judges of the poor, utter sinners. Be delivered, children, from all these.Chapter 6. Against False Teachers, and Food Offered to Idols. See that no one causes you to err from this way of the Teaching, since apart from God it teaches you. For if you are able to bear the entire yoke of the Lord, you will be perfect; but if you are not able to do this, do what you are able. And concerning food, bear what you are able; but against that which is sacrificed to idols be exceedingly careful; for it is the service of dead gods.Chapter 7. Concerning Baptism. And concerning baptism, baptize this way: Having first said all these things, baptize into the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, in living water. But if you have no living water, baptize into other water; and if you cannot do so in cold water, do so in warm. But if you have neither, pour out water three times upon the head into the name of Father and Son and Holy Spirit. But before the baptism let the baptizer fast, and the baptized, and whoever else can; but you shall order the baptized to fast one or two days before.Chapter 8. Fasting and Prayer (the Lord's Prayer). But let not your fasts be with the hypocrites, for they fast on the second and fifth day of the week. Rather, fast on the fourth day and the Preparation (Friday). Do not pray like the hypocrites, but rather as the Lord commanded in His Gospel, like this:Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily (needful) bread, and forgive us our debt as we also forgive our debtors. And bring us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one (or, evil); for Thine is the power and the glory for ever..Pray this three times each day.Chapter 9. The Eucharist. Now concerning the Eucharist, give thanks this way. First, concerning the cup:We thank thee, our Father, for the holy vine of David Thy servant, which You madest known to us through Jesus Thy Servant; to Thee be the glory for ever..And concerning the broken bread:We thank Thee, our Father, for the life and knowledge which You madest known to us through Jesus Thy Servant; to Thee be the glory for ever. Even as this broken bread was scattered over the hills, and was gathered together and became one, so let Thy Church be gathered together from the ends of the earth into Thy kingdom; for Thine is the glory and the power through Jesus Christ for ever..But let no one eat or drink of your Eucharist, unless they have been baptized into the name of the Lord; for concerning this also the Lord has said, "Give not that which is holy to the dogs."Chapter 10. Prayer after Communion. But after you are filled, give thanks this way:We thank Thee, holy Father, for Thy holy name which You didst cause to tabernacle in our hearts, and for the knowledge and faith and immortality, which You modest known to us through Jesus Thy Servant; to Thee be the glory for ever. Thou, Master almighty, didst create all things for Thy name's sake; You gavest food and drink to men for enjoyment, that they might give thanks to Thee; but to us You didst freely give spiritual food and drink and life eternal through Thy Servant. Before all things we thank Thee that You are mighty; to Thee be the glory for ever. Remember, Lord, Thy Church, to deliver it from all evil and to make it perfect in Thy love, and gather it from the four winds, sanctified for Thy kingdom which Thou have prepared for it; for Thine is the power and the glory for ever. Let grace come, and let this world pass away. Hosanna to the God (Son) of David! If any one is holy, let him come; if any one is not so, let him repent. Maranatha. Amen.But permit the prophets to make Thanksgiving as much as they desire.Chapter 11. Concerning Teachers, Apostles, and Prophets. Whosoever, therefore, comes and teaches you all these things that have been said before, receive him. But if the teacher himself turns and teaches another doctrine to the destruction of this, hear him not. But if he teaches so as to increase righteousness and the knowledge of the Lord, receive him as the Lord. But concerning the apostles and prophets, act according to the decree of the Gospel. Let every apostle who comes to you be received as the Lord. But he shall not remain more than one day; or two days, if there's a need. But if he remains three days, he is a false prophet. And when the apostle goes away, let him take nothing but bread until he lodges. If he asks for money, he is a false prophet. And every prophet who speaks in the Spirit you shall neither try nor judge; for every sin shall be forgiven, but this sin shall not be forgiven. But not every one who speaks in the Spirit is a prophet; but only if he holds the ways of the Lord. Therefore from their ways shall the false prophet and the prophet be known. And every prophet who orders a meal in the Spirit does not eat it, unless he is indeed a false prophet. And every prophet who teaches the truth, but does not do what he teaches, is a false prophet. And every prophet, proved true, working unto the mystery of the Church in the world, yet not teaching others to do what he himself does, shall not be judged among you, for with God he has his judgment; for so did also the ancient prophets. But whoever says in the Spirit, Give me money, or something else, you shall not listen to him. But if he tells you to give for others' sake who are in need, let no one judge him.Chapter 12. Reception of Christians. But receive everyone who comes in the name of the Lord, and prove and know him afterward; for you shall have understanding right and left. If he who comes is a wayfarer, assist him as far as you are able; but he shall not remain with you more than two or three days, if need be. But if he wants to stay with you, and is an artisan, let him work and eat. But if he has no trade, according to your understanding, see to it that, as a Christian, he shall not live with you idle. But if he wills not to do, he is a Christ-monger. Watch that you keep away from such.Chapter 13. Support of Prophets. But every true prophet who wants to live among you is worthy of his support. So also a true teacher is himself worthy, as the workman, of his support. Every first-fruit, therefore, of the products of wine-press and threshing-floor, of oxen and of sheep, you shall take and give to the prophets, for they are your high priests. But if you have no prophet, give it to the poor. If you make a batch of dough, take the first-fruit and give according to the commandment. So also when you open a jar of wine or of oil, take the first-fruit and give it to the prophets; and of money (silver) and clothing and every possession, take the first-fruit, as it may seem good to you, and give according to the commandment.Chapter 14. Christian Assembly on the Lord's Day. But every Lord's day gather yourselves together, and break bread, and give thanksgiving after having confessed your transgressions, that your sacrifice may be pure. But let no one who is at odds with his fellow come together with you, until they be reconciled, that your sacrifice may not be profaned. For this is that which was spoken by the Lord: "In every place and time offer to me a pure sacrifice; for I am a great King, says the Lord, and my name is wonderful among the nations."Chapter 15. Bishops and Deacons; Christian Reproof. Appoint, therefore, for yourselves, bishops and deacons worthy of the Lord, men meek, and not lovers of money, and truthful and proved; for they also render to you the service of prophets and teachers. Therefore do not despise them, for they are your honored ones, together with the prophets and teachers. And reprove one another, not in anger, but in peace, as you have it in the Gospel. But to anyone that acts amiss against another, let no one speak, nor let him hear anything from you until he repents. But your prayers and alms and all your deeds so do, as you have it in the Gospel of our Lord.Chapter 16. Watchfulness; the Coming of the Lord. Watch for your life's sake. Let not your lamps be quenched, nor your loins unloosed; but be ready, for you know not the hour in which our Lord will come. But come together often, seeking the things which are befitting to your souls: for the whole time of your faith will not profit you, if you are not made perfect in the last time. For in the last days false prophets and corrupters shall be multiplied, and the sheep shall be turned into wolves, and love shall be turned into hate; for when lawlessness increases, they shall hate and persecute and betray one another, and then shall appear the world-deceiver as Son of God, and shall do signs and wonders, and the earth shall be delivered into his hands, and he shall do iniquitous things which have never yet come to pass since the beginning. Then shall the creation of men come into the fire of trial, and many shall be made to stumble and shall perish; but those who endure in their faith shall be saved from under the curse itself. And then shall appear the signs of the truth: first, the sign of an outspreading in heaven, then the sign of the sound of the trumpet. And third, the resurrection of the dead -- yet not of all, but as it is said: "The Lord shall come and all His saints with Him." Then shall the world see the Lord coming upon the clouds of heaven.

The Enemy

Imagine, if our planet, our species was destroyed in civil war, and only a few remnants of our race were left, if these remnants found out a way to revive our planet and species, if this power was located on another planet and all it would cost was some minor disturbance to go to the planet, get the power-source thingy and return home with it.


Now imagine if,after this revelation, one portion of the remnant decided that the life of our planet and race wasn't worth the possible lives lost on the other planet if we interferred; f this portion believed in this so strongly they even revived the civil war that destroyed us in the first place in order to stop us accidently killing a few lives on an alien planet. Which side do you think would be considered the bad guys?


It would be one thing to be careful, if perhaps you thought the other side would wreck havoc on the alien planet. You could go there yourself, and carefully get this power source, take it safely back home and revive your planet's and species' lives without harming the alien life, but to go so far as to destroy the source for man's redemption in order to save a small percentage of alien life?


I'd call you the enemy.
If you haven't guessed by now I am talking about the baseline plot for Transformers
Go Decepticons!! (even if you have a crummy name)

Tune in next week for a literary analysis of Spiderman's gym shorts! (The eternal question: red on blue or blue on red?)

Curses and Blessings

So yesterday was the redo of my postponed friend birthday party.
It started out allright. Dema, Daina, Becca and Emily all came over we ate frozen pizza and hung out and talked.
Daina was the first person with the piniata. It was on a levy system so I was pulling the piniata out of harms way whenever she tried to hit it. On her third swing though she knocked his head clean open- Literally. The helmet was cut cleanly away from the face mask, and all of Vador's candied brains lay open to the sunshine. It looked better than the fat white guy that originally was supposed to be in there. We took pictures of some of us wearing the Vador hat. I need to put those up here.
My dog, funnily enough was scared of the piniata. Even after it was smacked open she was still nervous about it.
We were all upstairs when my mom came and told us we needed to go outside. She looked terrible. We found my Dad waiting by Becca's car with a tall teenager. He apparently had run into Becca's car while trying to pull out of his drive way. Did I mention that Becca's car had just recovered from a simular hit a few weeks ago? We had to wait around a few hours until the cops got all the paperwork done. Becca had to stay outside in the heat to answer questions about insurance. He parents drove thirty minuetes to my house to make sure everything was ok. Becca's mom, who has anxiety problems, wanted to take Becca home but we convinced her to let Becca stay. We finally got to Lazer tag around 8:30.
Let me just say that I have the worst shooting aim ever. Of course it might have somthing to do with the fact that niether of my guns had a lazer sight. Dema, on the other hand completely kicked our buts, even when she had a gun without a lazer sight. She had the highest score over all for both games! She cheated a little bit though, for some reason her gun never ran out of bullets. The Collierville lazer tag is pretty crappy. They don't even have proper air conditioning!
Even though I'm a bad shooter somthing about lazer tag makes me feel so cool and suave. I strut like an idiot with a lazer gun, it just makes me feel like the coolest action hero ever. I should never join the army big guns go to my head apparently. Dema on the other hand could be a russian snyper if she wanted.
We took a break between the two games and after the second one Becca said she needed to sit down and do her breathing exercises but that she would be ok. Even when she started feeling dizzy I was convinced that it was just the after effects of running so hard. It wasn't until she started loosing feelings in her limbs and people started comeing up that I realized how serious this was. Maybe I didn't want to realize but that was selfish of me. I should have called Dad for her inhaler instantly. She had to go to the hospital. I had to watch them strap her to a stretcher and put her in the ambulance. I still feel like such an idiot. I'm sorry if I scared anybody there. When things get tough like that I focus on one thing at a time.
Becca's ok now but I guess that rules out lazer tag. We can still go bowling though.
Dema and Daina had to leave afterward but Brooke came over and she and Emily were really awesome. They made me laugh. I don't think they'll realize how much help they were. Without them I'd have stayed in that emotional trainwreck for a few more hours. We stayed up till 3am and watched 27 Dresses, which is very funny and sweet-- one of the perfect chick flick movies. Not so melodramatic as the Notebook or somthing like that.
The next morning Mom asked me to go to church with the family but by that time I was so worn out I just needed some time alone to cry so I went to Incarnation. Going to mass always feels like a spiritual bath. I come out feeling all loose and refreshed, as if I really did leave it all at the altar.
I went to my first catholic small groups meeting today too.
Over half my small group members are converts! And alot of them are very Biblically educated so the conversation was that wonderful mix of enlightenment and edification. The deacon in my small group was converted by his wife who became catholic after they had been married several years. These people were so comforting and encouraging. Thank you God for making me so prosperous!
One part of the conversation really struck me. We were talking about tithing and about how God will take care of us no matter what. All that "give us our DAILY bread" not anything more or less, and "I shall walk through the valley of the shadow of death and fear no evil for though art with me" The idea is that you are still walking through the valley of death, but the promise is that God will carry you through it.
"But there are christians who are starving in Africa" I said, "surely God doesn't mean that no christian will starve I mean there are some pretty tough stuff in this world."
But no, they reminded me that no christian in the CHURCH could really become homeless or starving becuz the community of believers, the church, God's hands on earth, would take care of them. "I mean really," said one woman, "do you think any of us could become homeless?" meaning that we'd obviously take one another into our homes. The catholic church is perhaps one of the few institutions in the world capable of doing that. All the money from every parrish goes to help every other parrish in the world. There are world wide programs to help the poor and suffering in the church. The Catholic church is the worlds biggest charity program. This all washed over me when she said this.
"Silly Alyssa, you were thinking like a Protestant"
I have community now! Even though I don't know these people, even though this was their first time meeting me these people in that room and world wide will carry me, and I will carry them.
I don't know how to adequately express my joy on a blog when I whisper wonderingly to myself.
"I have Community. I have The Church!"

Sun Shine

I have the best guy in the world. He made me breakfast, egg and ham and cheese on a sandwich,
We watched the last half of terminator 2 and walked my dog. He gave me present- Viva La Vida and a mixed cd of various artists that I like and he wanted to introduce me to; Springsteen, Peter Bjorn and John, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Spoon, Modest Mouse, and Beck.
Then he took me to see the movie Terminator Salvation, which was a very good action movie but eliot and I are in accord that the plot of the terminator series could be so much more deep and epic and philosophical if it wanted to be. Then he got me icecream at Ben and Jerry's. That part might have been one of the best. We had to pick up his mom from work after that.
At dinner time we were going to go to Edo's but it was closed so we went to Do's instead in midtown-- very good nicely priced sushi place. We split a lunchbox meal, it was really good. Before dinner he pulled out 2 other presents; Maison Ikkoku, an anime series of his he liked (I had asked him just a week b4 to suggest to me some good anime to get into) and a book called Living Abroad in Japan, which we are reading together!
Then we went back to my house and just read and talked together for the next few hours. Before he left he pulled out one last present- a very thick very big collection of Ray Bradbury stories. I squealed like a middle schooler when I opened it. Bradbury is one of my most favorite authors.
I feel like an uterly spoiled incredibley happy three year old. And that is how I feel on my very first day of being 20!

Tankini at 20

It makes me feel like a slut
the swimsuit my mother bought me for my birthday
nice material though. Wish they made racing suits with material as thick as that, but its probly just the same material double layered.
The top could pass for a shirt with the proper jacket

ugh

thats all I feel like when I put it on. Am I overreacting?
still

ugh

Especially in my family, birthdays seem especially designed for the embarressment of the born

This year's haul
-2 dresses, one long and one short
-1 blouse
-1 tankini
-1 pair of cute unreasonably painful red shoes
-1 pair of misfit pants
-1 suprisingly good purse
-How I Met Your Mother Season 2


So I'm 20 now. When I was young marriage was always talked about as something for the 20-22 year olds. Its odd but, if I had the money now, it wouldn't seem like a bad option.
Added to that change I'm working full time now, and since I've come back from school my parents have turned up annoying. They've never really been so before. I'm a very patient person.
At the moment I made these transitions in thinking and lifestyle it felt weird and surreal but once I'd made them, I didn't feel any different.
I miss going to church with my family though. Things were easier then, and while the people at Incarnation are very welcoming it hasn't been long enough to really get to know anybody, so its still kinda lonley sometimes. Actually the lonliness comes over at my house more often than at Church.
I was glad to see Jason though, and Kevin and Megan and Brandon, even if he did disappear right b4 lunch!
Technically I turn 20 at 1am tommarow but I'm not sure what I'll be doing. Eliot's taking somewhere but he won't tell me anything except to dress comfortably and tell my parents I'll be gone all day. I don't think tommarow will be so wearing.

Recent Events

Recent events prompted my mother to spend all day outside weeding the garden and bemoaning her pitiful tomatoes (again)
My father hooks the fridge up to a wire and his car battery
I pack my books in tight on the shelf to avoid warping
the streamers hang limply from the ceiling, now so low and wet with humidity that they brush your head and are beginning to curl- embelms of a postponed birthday party
I only hope Darth Vador doesn't melt
My house is without power
no airconditioning, no working oven, no heated water for the tub
We are holding up inside my granmother's house.
Darth Vador is the piniata I bought for my b-day party, now postponed to next week.

In good news though Jason Ashlock is coming to Grace Crossing Church for a visit of some kind. I want him to know I'm Catholic but how do you tell someone that in a room full of a 100 other ppl wanting to see him? He'll give a nice speech regardless.

My job is shaping up nicely. I work 8-4 Tues-Saterdays. Its weird being a working girl but I like my job, just wish I could dress more comfortably. Crocs is making high healed sandles now, need to look into that. Its harder making friends at work than at school, less free time at work but no homework so :D!

summer plans

My summer is not the super-action-jesus I told myself it would be
It's not even boringly productive since I am without a job
Instead I find myself washing dishes, folding laundry and cooking
I need to step it up and work on my story, on my scholarships and jappanese but instead i find my education to be in Metal Gear (SNIPERBATTLESAREAWESOME) the Terminator and some good classic scifi novels. I bought a set of Asimov and Scott Card books at McKays before I left school.
Cooking is fun too.
Its also official. I am going to Knoxville!!
Dad said he'd pay for it, at least this semester since it looks like I missed the deadline for scholarships. So long as I keep my grades up though I'm confident I'll get it next semester.
Answering people's questions about Catholicism has been surprisingly easy. I was a bit worried I'd not know how to answer but its been okay. After 3 feet of debate in replys on facebook I realized, "Hey, I can Do this!" and immediatly called up the little train that could to eat crow.
I still need to be doing more writing, so I figured this at least could warm me up
yay useless blogs about nothing!
Summer Plan List
-HennaParty(yay!)
-my 20th birthday (note2self-START PLANNING NOW!)
-HARRYPOTTER!!
-2nd year anniversary with the bestestist boyfriend
-family vacation, possibly to DC
- need to plan somthing @ pickwick
-study jappanese
-WRITE MORE!!
-start on reading through all the early christian documents
-tease eliot's cat

Telling the World

So I've told my grandparents and family, so the next step in the plan was to tell the world; announce it on my facebook profile and explain in a blog. I didn't think I'd be nervous about this. I thought it would be a relief to tell everybody but... NERVES!!
stupid butterflies
Here's a shot, a rough draft of my explanation to the world.

"I know this will come as a big shock to most of you, its a big shock to me too, but I've become Catholic.
For the past year I've been studying Catholicism. I talked to priests, my own protestant youth ministers and councilors, a Grad School professor from Harding Graduate School, and a friend at my old church who converted from Catholicism. I've read early christian writings, the Compendium of the Catechism of the Catholic Church (say that 5x's fast), A Popular History of the Church, Reasoning from the Scriptures with Catholics, and lots and lots of other books, not to mention in the least the Bible, which I finally made all the way through this year. (not counting the Apocrypha, I've only just began reading that)
I want to forestall any warnings by saying that I fully plan to continue searching and learning. If even 40 years from now I find that Catholicism no longer makes sense to me I'll leave it in a heart beat. Recently I found I website with all the early christian writings on it. I hope to find them in book form but regardless that's next on my book list

From all my research I have come to the conclusion that Catholicism's theology is the most faithful to the way the early church was set up. It's theology makes sense to me and I believe it is hypocritical to pretend that I believe otherwise.

I did not want to become Catholic. I frantically searched for every single minuscule argument against Catholicism that I could find and terrorized my RCIA teacher so much that at one point he jokingly said he expected me to join when hell froze over. (RCIA is a class they give at catholic churches where people who want to join or to simply understand Catholicism go. The class usually reads through the Catechism together) It was only after I was left with no other plausible argument against Catholicism that I bowed to truth.

I do not feel as if my relationship with God has changed. I believe that I was assured of heaven as a Protestant and I still believe that as a Catholic. I also still pray to God.

I want to ask that those of you reading this would not talk to my family members about this. They are having a hard enough time accepting this without you bugging them. If they broach the subject to you, then feel free to jabber away all you want, but other wise come to me with your questions, and please respect my family.

Also;
I do not believe (nor do other Catholics) that you can work your way to heaven
I do not, nor do other Catholics, worship Mary or any of the Saints, or the Pope
I have not found the practises of Catholics to be burdensome but to be spiritually faith deepening
Catholics read their Bible, in fact their service contains more of the Bible than most Protestant Churches
If you go into a Catholic church, you will find the same mix up of people who fervently want to be there and those few stragglers ho get dragged there. Contrary to popular Protestant-Belt thought not all Catholics are blase' about their faith.

I know that there are many other things that my protestant friends will have a problem with but I just wanted to address the top ones I've run into. Granted, they are very quickly address so I know that many of you will still have questions about it which I welcome. I only ask that you please don't beat my head in any form or fashion. This confession-thing is stressful enough."

There, how do you think that will blow over with everybody?

Communion of Saints

Everyday I feel more affirmed that this Catholic thing was the right choice.
Although it feels as if I had all this knowledge only to have it suddenly become irrelevant, or more accurately, questionable. I doubt now some of the things I learned in Bible and History class at Harding. I remember in Hummanities class once we were talking about the rise in churches named after Mary. My teacher said it was in reaction to a stance the church had been taking in which they were portraying Jesus as a harsh judge of sinners. What she said wasn't wrong, but it was the way they presented the facts that colored the history of that time period. In subtle ways like this I see now that there was some demonization of the middle ages. I'm not saying my history and bible teachers lied, they just presented the facts in a certain light, a light that I doubt now.
It feels as though I'm relearning history and the interpretation of scriptures, and its answering a lot of questions I'd never bothered asking in highschool. I simply assumed I wasn't learned enough to understand, that only people with their docterates understood.
Also the breadth and depth of theology I've yet to explore makes me salivate.
One of the first Catholic teachings that amazed me was the communion of saints. The communion of saints is mentioned in the Niciene Creed, which most Protestant sects accept as doctrinally accurate, yet I never heard this phrase explained when we went over the creed in Bible Class.
Catholics, see, believe that christians, after they die can still hear their brothers and sisters on earth. They are "in communion" with them through prayer. This is why catholics pray to saints.
If the prayer of a righteous man is strong, then how much stronger is the prayer of a righteous man who is already in communion with God? Catholics feel such freedom that they can speak directly, not only to God, but also to Peter, Paul, Moses, and King David, and ask their fellow brothers and sisters on earth and in heaven, to pray for them! How amazing is this! It brings new light to the phrase "death, where is thy victory? where is thy sting?" Death can't even separate us when we are united with Christ. If death is defeated, if it could not separate us from God, then what is death to separate us from our loved ones who are united with God?
About the word "Saint." Protestants criticize Catholic's use of this word, saying that saints originally meant all christians. Catholics agree with this, and do not deny it, but Protestants fail to take in that language changes. Should we criticize people for useing the word "fun" as somthing innocent when it originally refurred to somthing more risque or illegal? No. A word is just a word.
What caused the change in the word "saint"'s use was the way that Catholics and the early chirstians thought about salvation. Catholics cringe away from language that claims that they know without a doubt that they are going to heaven. This is why some Protestants mistakenly think that Catholics work their way to heaven. The catholic belief is that a true christian, when he dies, if he followed Christ in his life has a sure hope of heaven. They use the words "sure hope of heaven" because Catholics try not to judge anybody. Somebody may pretend to be a christian but only God knows that person's heart. They also avoid this language about themselves because they do not want to assume that they won't stumble and leave the faith one day in the future. To claim that they will never stumble sounds a bit boastful to Catholic ears.
Even Paul used this language. He said we have a "sure hope of heaven" but he did not use the 'once saved always saved language' of some Protestant sects. In fact Paul even mentions in his letters a christian, who after some persecution, left the faith.
The doubt, you see, is not on God or his ability to save, but upon our own weaknesses and willingness to let him fully into our lives and hearts.
This is why, the word saint, was increasingly used for people who it seemed were, without a doubt, with God in heaven. This is why, when in the process of decideing if a person is a saint, the church will look for signs and miricles. God sending Moses and Elijah to Jesus on the mt. top, for instance, is a pretty good indication that those two guys arn't stuck in hell. Saint began to refur to the martyrs, and later became even sort of a honorific tittle. Theres your bit of etemology.
At first the communion of saints seemed weird and outlandish to me, but when I admitted this to a catholic friend, she looked me in the eyes and asked me if it was any weirder than all the other stuff Christians beleive, men rising from the dead for instance, and I had to admit that no, it wasn't that crazy compared to everything else. The communion of saints was the first Catholic teaching that I accepted, even before I was even considering the possibility of joining.

Nnnnoooooooooozzz!!!!

I'm thinking of starting a news blog
I'd syndicate articles from different viewpts (CNN, Fox, Aljezeera -sp?-, BBC and NPR are my top ones), and write others about interesting local stuff
I wouldn't try to cover everything, I'm only 1 man but I'd write about things I find interesting.
also if ya'll have suggestions for stories I promise to do everything I can to cover them.

SUGGESTIONS ON THE BLOG TITTLE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!!

Here's my list of story ideas:
- continued coverage of the pirates (always)
- the swine flu, and where it is in our area, whose affected
-maybe and article on recognizing the symptoms of swine flu
-updates on the goings on in Palestine
-try and figure out what those protestors in England who shout "Down with capitalism" really are upset about
-Invisible Children, The Rescue, Loby Day, events and updates
-restaurant/ movie/ book/ music reviews
-the zombie walks (where when and "an hour in the life of a zombie)
-I REALLY want to do the march for MLK's birthday
-use my broken japanese ( i might recruit eliot for this one) to interview all the Elvis fans that come into memphis on his birth and death days
-features on interesting ppl I meet, if actually do meet anyone interesting (im inspired by the story of the reporter who wrote about the crazy genius homeless man he met)
-and of course articles on brand consiousness and their cheap alternatives

This would be an exercise to get myself to write better in the news format so all ranting would be confined to this blog, no doubt each blog will have it's companion ;)
(kudos to any to get the pop culture reference in my tittle)

I'm not going to say I hate swine but I just might be eating bacon out of spite

I've been stuck for the last few days at home
none of my friends free from school
and piles of paperwork involving scholarships and job applications to give me warm fuzzies when I get lonley. Today I was finally going to get out of the house. Zoo with Becca, then some dress shopping with my mom and 98 yr old great grandmother. And then my dad called.
Last I heard swine flu was still in New York
until dad called me and told me it'd hit the only catholic church in Collierville
the church, the school and all its members are quarentined in their homes for the four day gestation period
God has some irony in him doesn't he?
not even sure how this thing is spread
all I know is it cost me a day at the zoo, a date with my boyfriend I haven't seen in a week, and
the Hannah Montana movie with my little cousin Hannah (I'm real choked up about that one, if you can't tell)
This settles it though. I'm never being a vegetarian.

I told them

I think I have some of the best parents in the world.
Not that the beginning was easy.
When I finally managed the words, "I-want-join-the-catholic-church" out of my mouth my Dad got up and left to the room to keep from shouting.
Then he came back and gave the expected talking-at
a few Protestant tall tales about Catholics came out
my mother told me not to send my kids to a Catholic school or they'll get raped
but all in all it was less than I'd expected.
The first two days weren't fun. Every now and then they would try bring up another superstition about the Church but they weren't hard to refute. It was like walking on ice and every time they said my name I cringed expecting an attack. At one point I got really angry with them about it but we all talked it out then. They told me they'd love me no matter what, and that they wouldn't always be in shock like this. I think once the shock has worn off we'll be able to talk about it freely.
I'm waiting for Gran to be done with her radiation treatments before I tell the rest of the family. I will, however, probably never tell my Great Grandmother (she's 95). My mother is certain it would kill her, and I don't even want to think what my vietnam veteran Uncle would do if he knew.
It wasn't easy and carefree this Esther but I think my family's going to be okay, and I am very grateful my parents didnt kick me out of the house.
In other news I think I'm going to sign up for the choir at the Catholic church in Collierville. That church is b-a-u-tiful by the way. I'm not a great singer but I'm ok, and I think singing in the choir will help me to transition to the Catholic form of worship.
My parents seem to think that I enjoy worshipping God at the Catholic church more, but the opposite is true. I've always worshiped God with singing and its hard to learn to worship any other way with as much fervor. What is drawing me to the Catholic church is it's dogma and doctrine which I believe is the most faithful to how Christ set up the church in the beginning. Everyday I learn somthing new and am reaffirmed that this was the right choice.
Forms of worship have to do with culture and cultural expression. Culture is no reason to leave or join anything, because with a little persistance you can learn one and drop another. Its awkward right now because I'm not used to praying with the same fervor as a Catholic who was born into the church but I know that with time I will learn. In the mean time though the choir will be a nice transition.

Potty Mouth

I have a confession to make.

I dearly love cursing. It really is enjoyable.

I've always liked it, and it elementary school I struggled with it, even if my vocabulary was limited to things such as butt and poop. I really forced myself to clean up when I came to Harding but being back in the public school system has brought it out of me again.

I think curse words are useful in the english language. I have already admitted my predelection to cursing but I don't like it when every other word out of a person's mouth is a curse word. This just leaves the listener feeling jaded. ( like the Tropic Thunder effect, only that was more about gore than language) They are best used sparingly and at appropriate moments.

For example, if you walk into a village full of dead and mutilated bodies anything less then a well emphasised "what the ****" is going to fall short of the mark and sound like the sickening understatment that it is. The jolt that curse words give in language should be used when the situation mirrors the jolt.

The nature of curse words is interesting. When we're little kids the most shocking thing known to us consists of fecal matter so we make a social meaning out of, quite literally, shit.

When we're older most of the words seem to have something to do with sex. (f***) (s****)

I wonder, if when we're old and wrinkly and sex isn't such a big deal anymore if we'll go back to cursing about the bladder, and this time the words will be coupled with several choice pseudonyms for bed pans. Or maybe we'll find somthing else to curse about. Death? Money? Bingo?

Unfortunately most of my grandparents do not curse- even my Vietnam Veteran Uncle doesn't curse anymore, at least not in front of me.

Perhaps cursing is something we grow out of when, after a while, nothing in this world is shocking enough that its worth cursing about.

That sounds depressing to me.

But however much I enjoy and appreciate curse words I understand why I need to clean up my language. You can debate the morality of curse words like you can debate the morality of eating meat sacreficed to greek gods but since it can lead others to sin it is a sin for me to do it.

I need to stop. I'm going to try to stop. Who will take me seriously when I talk about spritual things if I use those words?

So this blog is my fare well letter to piratey language. Goodbye, I will miss you, but it never would have worked out between us.

Adeiu

1984 Corporate Style!

Okay, so I don't know if you are conservative or liberal, russian or chinese and please don't be offended when I say this (because it is true) but deregulation has truly (I'm not cursing, this is not an exaggeration) fucked up the journalism industry.
Any novice can listen to the news and know that something is amiss when he gets more information from foreign news sources then dear america where we can supposedly say anything we want. It doesn't take a PoliSci scholar to see that when you listen to Fox News you get the republican spin on the story and when you listen to CNN you get the democratic spin. Nobody gives the full circle story anymore and in-depth research has become getting a quote from an elephant and and donkey while ignoreing the smaller third party opinions- who actually have something to say as well. If you were a Ron Paul fan you know what I'm talking about. As much support as he was getting you'd think the news would've interviewed him at least once. Having a healthy press is important for a free society. Unfortunately this society, while free from Government dictatorship is being enslaved by a Corporate one.
But it wasn't until I took my Communications class here that I found out how pervasive corruption in our media is, and how it got that way.
Allow me to give you a very short history lesson:
The Telecommunications Act of 1996, was signed by President Clinton in an effort to deregulate the media industry and promote more competition and ingenuity. It has done the opposite by lessening ownership restrictions. This has led to a small number of companies consolidating into huge monopolies (oligopoly). Basically, the information that our society gets is controlled by just 5 or 6 companies- TimeWarner, Disney, NewsCorp, NBC, Universal, Sony, Viacom, and CBS.
These companies use "synergy" tecniques to make more money. For example; Newscorp, owns a pulbishing company called Harper Collins.
Harper Collins publishes a book, lets call it "Larry the Duck"
New York Post, also owned by Newscorp promotes the book by writing a reiew of it, which will most likely be positive.
the author goes to interviews on different TV shows owned by Newscorp such as FOX news.
a film called "Larry the Duck" is produced by 20th Century FOX.
the movie is promoted on MySpace.com and FX which Newscorp also owns
the New York Post writes a good review on the movie
then comes the after market where the movie and book gets DVD sales and reruns and spin off TV shows all within Newscorp's domain.

You see we're in a situation here where its no longer the editors and writers decideing what information the public needs-- its the companies with the big wallets.
Most news stations don't even bother paying for those investigative reporting pieces we had in the days of muckrackers because its just too expensive (partly cuz newspapers are failing and partly bcuz the companies want to save money)

1984 needs to be rewritten but instead of the government controlling everything its going to be Coca-Cola or some company like that.

Luckily though the Internet is still the wild wild west. So everybody be sure to keep downloading songs illegally so that it stays that way- the most free form of expression ever!

I think I've found The Church

A lot of you don't know this but for the past year or so I've been researching Catholicism. My boyfriend, when I started dating him was an atheist. Not long into our relationship he became a Christian. At first I was worried that it was only to please me but its been a very long time now, nearly two years and sometimes he's even more devote than myself. I was baptized at eight.
At first he was merely Christian. Denominations meant little to him. He went to church with me but he also learned from his parents who are Catholic, and after a while decided to rejoin the Catholic church, which he had left for atheism around high school.
And so we began to discuss the differences between our two doctrines. We argued in long discussions.
I remember in one instance we were arguing about infant baptism. We both argued that the early Christians practiced our own doctrine and the only way of ending this debate was to actually read up on early christian writings. So I borrowed a book from my youth minister. It was a text book from one of his Bible classes at Harding University. It had excerpts from Christian writings organized to deal with all sorts of issues. One chapter in particular concerned baptism. However, even though I got this book from a fellow Protestant, the writings themselves seemed to be advocating child baptism-- even the very earliest writings. We set up a meeting with a Bible teacher from Harding Graduate School. He wasn't able to assuage my doubts, but he did say that to choose between Catholicism and Protestantism you have to choose what voices you will listen to; The Bible and the general history and traditions of the Church, or ONLY the Bible. And this was a revelation for me. I realized I didn't know enough about the history and traditions of the Church to even judge the worth of them. Also for that matter, the Bible itself is a recording of the history and traditions of the Jewish People, so the argument for following the history and traditions of the Church, the fulfillment of God's people, had some chance of holding water.
So I signed up for an RCIA class at a Catholic church. (basically we go through the Catechism, the book of Catholic doctrine) I wanted to hear what the Catholics believed from the Catholics, not from any outsiders who might be prejudiced or misinformed. I talked to priests and lay people (regular Catholic Christians)
I severely harassed my RCIA teacher with every little argument against Catholicism that I could find. I was abrasive that I think I am not very popular with my fellow classmates and my teacher seems to dread my comments. It was all in the name of searching for the truth.
I talked to my youth minister, and other Church leaders about various things I had questions about and my mom even put me in touch with one of her friends who converted from Catholicism so I could hear her side of the story.
Having gone to a private Christian school I thought I should be educated enough to shoot the Catholic arguments down but all my education gave me was a bunch of superstitions and sick jokes about the Catholic church. I can remember laughing at the Catholic church in Mrs. Efaw's Humanities class. But I only had half the story. For every corrupt Pope and Bishop, do you really think their weren't a million other sincere Christians? If you read up on the Catholic saints its like reading Jesus Freaks from across all of church history. They have accounts of Japanese Martyrs in 597 AD !
Yes there are corrupt people here and there, Protestants get their share of them even today (Mary Winkler case anyone?) but that doesn't mean that the whole church was corrupt or had bad doctrine, only that hypocrite misused that doctrine.
And all of this was to say that I have decided to join the Catholic church. I have no more argument against it and to deny what I believe is the truth would be to become a hypocrite worse than any child molesting priest, because even they in their sick way have morally excused themselves.
I, however, have no excuse. This is what I believe and I must act on it.
I know many of you have problems with the Catholic Church and understand and respect that. It wasn't too long ago that I felt exactly the same but I looked into this for a long time and thought long and hard about it. Please trust me that I have made my decision.

If any of you want to talk about the differences between Catholicism and various Protestant doctrines I'm open to it but please be gentle and remember that I am new at this.
Remember the first time you became a Christian? And you were scared and nervous about how to talk to people about God? And you didn't know all the neat little quick answers to give, in part because you hadn't received a that full encompassing education Harding gave us yet or you were simply scared shitless? That's me right now. Only when I first became a Christian nobody fired questions at me. But understand that, just as I terrorized my RCIA teacher to get the truth, you may feel compelled to question me. I understand, I accept, and I will do my best. I only ask you to forgive me when I fall.

Also, please nobody mention this outside of this blog. I haven't told my parents yet, and when I do I want it to be in person, not through some second hand source on Facebook. I go home Ester weekend to tell them. After I've told them I am going to post that I've become a Catholic on my Facebook status. Then you will know you can talk about it to whomever freely. But for now, lets just keep it on the blog circle.
I also want to thank Dema who has been an amazing friend through this. Because she is so unbiased I have been able to explain my thinking process to her and she has been able to tell me if I, throughout this process, have been biased in anyway towards either side.

Do You Think I'm Going to Hell

"Do you think I'm going to hell?" asked Day. (her nickname I don't know how to spell her full name)
Day likes to ask this question, and I like to hate this question
because I'm never in a situation where I could give her an answer.
With our friends, in passing, the cafeteria, and various other public places.

Day has an interesting history. She was a devoted christian until she discovered that she was gay.
She tried with several different boys but couldn't figure out how not to be gay.
And I don't know how it's done either.
I've never even heard of a legit program that works without sounding scarily like brain washing
added to the fact that I'm not entirely sure if being gay or gay sex is a sin.
Its only mentioned 6 times in the Bible, and then mostly in connection to prostitution, which is a sin anyway so it could have meant it that way. And if it is a sin, but the sinner knows of no way to stop then is it really a sin? I mean there's not really much the person can do about it, so why should they be condemned for it. Ultimately though I don't know

Day, however, grew up beleiving it was a sin, still thinks its a sin and doesn't know how not to. She believes she is doomed. When she got her first girlfriend her thought process went like this:
Why am I saving my virginity?
I'm not doing it for God, he's doomed me anyway
and I'm not doing it for marriage since theres only 2 places in this whole country thats even possible
and I'm not doing for health and STD related reasons because of all the demographics gay women are the least likely to get an STD
So I have no reason to save it.
I'm doomed, I'm going to hell, whatever!

She told me this one of the first times we met. So when she asks me if I think she's going to hell I get frustrated, and in a public setting I have to dodge the issue.
If I had the chance though to talk to her about it in private I would tell her,
"Yes, I do think you're going to hell,"
"but not bcuz of anything you've done, but becuz you've resigned yourself to it, you've stopped fighting, so obviously you're going to hell."
"But I think that if you did try- and i"m not even talking about not being gay- maybe accepting your gayness and becoming one of those ppl who are gay but believe God loves them anyway, who are religious anyway,( because the way she talks about him I can tell she misses church,) and at least TRY then no I would not think you're going to hell."

Bathroom Habbits

A long black piece of it floats by me. This is why I have never gone swimming in muddy water before; I'm too afraid of some black snake surfacing up from below me, afraid of splashing away and startling it, afraid of running into the second half of it if I do flee, all the while, stubbornly blinded by the murkiness of the water. This long black strand of hair though is not even remotely frightening, just annoying. I pull it out with the tips of my fingers and let it rest on the lip of the bathtub.
There are a great many benefits to living with 3 other girls in this 80's style dorm complex. The best one by far resides on the toilet seat. No matter how logical it is, boys just don't seem to get how absolutely disgusting it is to sit on someone else's pee. To sit there, feeling the sticky contours of some flat liquid, knowing that your but is in close proimity to someone's shit is the most degrading, irritating things immaginable after you've stood in line for an hour with a full bladder. It is worse when the pee is wet, and carries onto the seat of your underpants after you've stood up and left the bathroom, all the while contemplating how very wise God was in making the urinary tract; it keeps us so humble. When it's dry you can pretend it's part of the toilet seat. "Oh, yes, this is a very old and cracked toilet, seen a lot of ass this one has." Infuriating.
Yes, the toilet is a wonderful part of living with three other girls, the bathtub however is not. I scoop the hairs up as I find them and deposit them in a pile on the side of the tub. When I'm done I sweep my fingers over the surface of the water like a net, and catch the last of them. Then I dump the hairs into the trash can beside the very clean, very shiny toilet. At least when my mother comes to visit I can pull the curtain on the bathtub.

Memphis

City of Kings,

City of Men,
and peasants...

a rebel,
a peacemaker,
a politician,
and a madman for a prince

City of the Bluffs,

City of the River,

City of Blues,
of Rock
of Rap

City of Pharaohs

City of gods
and men

City of Colors,
red
yellow
black and white
and all of their hearts sing Blue

Brown River, brown streets in blue veins
We are Men

in a City of Kings
all of us peasants

Ghandhi's Seven Deadly Sins

I found this on the internet and it made me think,
what do you think?

Seven Deadly Social Sins

Gandhi

1] politics without principle

2] wealth without work

3] commerce without morality

4] pleasure without conscience

5] education without character

6] science without humanity

7] worship without sacrifice

I love these

I could really use your help right now

Guys, please pray for my Gran,
Her name is Shirley Michie. I just found out she has breast cancer.
She's going to have surgery Friday morning to hopefully remove all of it. I don't know if she'll have to have chemo but I hope not. Please pray for her guys, she's the heart of my family and I don't know who we'll be without her.