Do You Think I'm Going to Hell

"Do you think I'm going to hell?" asked Day. (her nickname I don't know how to spell her full name)
Day likes to ask this question, and I like to hate this question
because I'm never in a situation where I could give her an answer.
With our friends, in passing, the cafeteria, and various other public places.

Day has an interesting history. She was a devoted christian until she discovered that she was gay.
She tried with several different boys but couldn't figure out how not to be gay.
And I don't know how it's done either.
I've never even heard of a legit program that works without sounding scarily like brain washing
added to the fact that I'm not entirely sure if being gay or gay sex is a sin.
Its only mentioned 6 times in the Bible, and then mostly in connection to prostitution, which is a sin anyway so it could have meant it that way. And if it is a sin, but the sinner knows of no way to stop then is it really a sin? I mean there's not really much the person can do about it, so why should they be condemned for it. Ultimately though I don't know

Day, however, grew up beleiving it was a sin, still thinks its a sin and doesn't know how not to. She believes she is doomed. When she got her first girlfriend her thought process went like this:
Why am I saving my virginity?
I'm not doing it for God, he's doomed me anyway
and I'm not doing it for marriage since theres only 2 places in this whole country thats even possible
and I'm not doing for health and STD related reasons because of all the demographics gay women are the least likely to get an STD
So I have no reason to save it.
I'm doomed, I'm going to hell, whatever!

She told me this one of the first times we met. So when she asks me if I think she's going to hell I get frustrated, and in a public setting I have to dodge the issue.
If I had the chance though to talk to her about it in private I would tell her,
"Yes, I do think you're going to hell,"
"but not bcuz of anything you've done, but becuz you've resigned yourself to it, you've stopped fighting, so obviously you're going to hell."
"But I think that if you did try- and i"m not even talking about not being gay- maybe accepting your gayness and becoming one of those ppl who are gay but believe God loves them anyway, who are religious anyway,( because the way she talks about him I can tell she misses church,) and at least TRY then no I would not think you're going to hell."

Bathroom Habbits

A long black piece of it floats by me. This is why I have never gone swimming in muddy water before; I'm too afraid of some black snake surfacing up from below me, afraid of splashing away and startling it, afraid of running into the second half of it if I do flee, all the while, stubbornly blinded by the murkiness of the water. This long black strand of hair though is not even remotely frightening, just annoying. I pull it out with the tips of my fingers and let it rest on the lip of the bathtub.
There are a great many benefits to living with 3 other girls in this 80's style dorm complex. The best one by far resides on the toilet seat. No matter how logical it is, boys just don't seem to get how absolutely disgusting it is to sit on someone else's pee. To sit there, feeling the sticky contours of some flat liquid, knowing that your but is in close proimity to someone's shit is the most degrading, irritating things immaginable after you've stood in line for an hour with a full bladder. It is worse when the pee is wet, and carries onto the seat of your underpants after you've stood up and left the bathroom, all the while contemplating how very wise God was in making the urinary tract; it keeps us so humble. When it's dry you can pretend it's part of the toilet seat. "Oh, yes, this is a very old and cracked toilet, seen a lot of ass this one has." Infuriating.
Yes, the toilet is a wonderful part of living with three other girls, the bathtub however is not. I scoop the hairs up as I find them and deposit them in a pile on the side of the tub. When I'm done I sweep my fingers over the surface of the water like a net, and catch the last of them. Then I dump the hairs into the trash can beside the very clean, very shiny toilet. At least when my mother comes to visit I can pull the curtain on the bathtub.

Memphis

City of Kings,

City of Men,
and peasants...

a rebel,
a peacemaker,
a politician,
and a madman for a prince

City of the Bluffs,

City of the River,

City of Blues,
of Rock
of Rap

City of Pharaohs

City of gods
and men

City of Colors,
red
yellow
black and white
and all of their hearts sing Blue

Brown River, brown streets in blue veins
We are Men

in a City of Kings
all of us peasants

Ghandhi's Seven Deadly Sins

I found this on the internet and it made me think,
what do you think?

Seven Deadly Social Sins

Gandhi

1] politics without principle

2] wealth without work

3] commerce without morality

4] pleasure without conscience

5] education without character

6] science without humanity

7] worship without sacrifice

I love these