"Do you think I'm going to hell?" asked Day. (her nickname I don't know how to spell her full name)
Day likes to ask this question, and I like to hate this question
because I'm never in a situation where I could give her an answer.
With our friends, in passing, the cafeteria, and various other public places.
Day has an interesting history. She was a devoted christian until she discovered that she was gay.
She tried with several different boys but couldn't figure out how not to be gay.
And I don't know how it's done either.
I've never even heard of a legit program that works without sounding scarily like brain washing
added to the fact that I'm not entirely sure if being gay or gay sex is a sin.
Its only mentioned 6 times in the Bible, and then mostly in connection to prostitution, which is a sin anyway so it could have meant it that way. And if it is a sin, but the sinner knows of no way to stop then is it really a sin? I mean there's not really much the person can do about it, so why should they be condemned for it. Ultimately though I don't know
Day, however, grew up beleiving it was a sin, still thinks its a sin and doesn't know how not to. She believes she is doomed. When she got her first girlfriend her thought process went like this:
Why am I saving my virginity?
I'm not doing it for God, he's doomed me anyway
and I'm not doing it for marriage since theres only 2 places in this whole country thats even possible
and I'm not doing for health and STD related reasons because of all the demographics gay women are the least likely to get an STD
So I have no reason to save it.
I'm doomed, I'm going to hell, whatever!
She told me this one of the first times we met. So when she asks me if I think she's going to hell I get frustrated, and in a public setting I have to dodge the issue.
If I had the chance though to talk to her about it in private I would tell her,
"Yes, I do think you're going to hell,"
"but not bcuz of anything you've done, but becuz you've resigned yourself to it, you've stopped fighting, so obviously you're going to hell."
"But I think that if you did try- and i"m not even talking about not being gay- maybe accepting your gayness and becoming one of those ppl who are gay but believe God loves them anyway, who are religious anyway,( because the way she talks about him I can tell she misses church,) and at least TRY then no I would not think you're going to hell."
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4 comments:
its interesting, hell is I mean. its a concept that the Jews borrowed from the Babylonians during the exile, and it really took off. I dunno, they were doing fine before they introduced "hell" into their religion, but no one's perfect right? well anyway, of course the early church loved the concept and here we are today. had those stupid Babylonians never had a place for bad people to go when they died, think of all the trouble that would've been saved. think of all the things Christians have done to people they thought were "going to hell."
I'm not sure that all the jews do believe in hell or heaven even now,
I remember they were still debating that question in Jesus's time
thats why a sect of them ask "If a woman is married, and her husband dies, and she remarries, and her second husband dies, and so and so on 7 times, then in the after life who is she married to?"
they didn't believe in an afterlife becuz it's not explicitly mentioned in the Torah
You know the funny thing about your story is that if the Babylonians did make up hell then they got sent there as well, by the jews.
Thats if you don't believe in it but it's still funny
talked to this jewish girl who's a friend of a friend
She said jews don't beleive in hell but in reincarnation though i didn't get to ask her about clarifying that for me
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