One of my very old friends has it. She moved away years ago, and yet somehow we stayed in touch. She calls me her best friend but the truth is we don't know each other very well.
In conversations with her over the years she began to change. I couldn't argue with her and as I was over a thousand miles away I didn't see much reason to. Her life was hectic and unstable so I thought the best thing I could do was be there for her. Still it was tiring. We never talked about me, it was always about her.
But then she was miles away, a voice on the phone once a month. So I didn't think it was much to give up; an hour once a month. What was that compared the hell I knew she went through, even it was she who put her through it?
And then the diagnosis came: B.P.D. and it explained everything.
Still I was there.
Years passed and she complained that the medications and pshyciatry did not do anything for her. Boyfriends shifted threw her hands so fast I could not keep up, and still I was there, a voice on the phone.
And then a ray of hope; a steady boyfriend, and engadgment. I didn't know the man, he did not have a very shiny past but so far at least he seemed to treat Amanda well and he offered her a way out, love and a home. And so I hoped, built him up in my mind and awaited the end of my telephonic babysitting. They came and visited me on their way to the farm he'd inherited. She was worse than I thought, with her B.P.D., and he was not much more mature. The woman in the car with them, though I doubt half the acccusations they leveled at her were valid, was not much more smarter. And I know this won't end now and I can't see a way out of this for her. She needs to go home, take her medicine and I need to stop playing the ideal for her, and argue back. I'm tired of this and I'm not sure I have done anything for her except reaffirm the illusions she's built around her. I don't know how to deal with B.P.D.
I'm tired of getting off the phone and realizing I couldn't say anything to her without hearing loud ceaseless yells. And frankly, I'm no good at argueing with children.
I'm not angry with her, its a fact. She is a child, she is mentally unstable and cannot help it, and I cannot help her.
I dread breaking this off though. There is no reason in her that I can appeal to and she will end up hateing me and blaming either herself or other people. Hopefully her fiance can comfort her but I wish I could make her go home and take her medicine. This is like my last boyfriend! Why is it I attract all these deadbeat relationships?! Helpless people I can't help clinging to me for helpless comfort, and yet if I broke them all off people would call me mean and a few of them would threaten suicide .
Should I just break off all these sham friendships? Some of these people I appreciate I just don't have anything in common with them, don't enjoy their company. It's spent pleasing them, building them up, they can't help it their the helpless ones. I just don't want to be a phyciatrist. I want to be an artist, a writer.
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5 comments:
I know exactly what you mean! I used to have friends like this. Like you said, the conversations would be about themselves and I'd build them up only to find out it was useless. It's like they used me for a verbal pick-me-up. Some of those friends just wanted to be assured they're better than they say or think they are. Others just wanted attention.
Sometimes people ask for advice but don't really want it. If they did, they'd take it and do what's best for them. If this person is not taking your advice and still whining to you, lay down the law. It might seem a little harsh, but it can serve as a wakeup call.
One girl called me every day just so she could complain to me and tell me how horrible her life is. I'd try to assure her and stuff. One day I realized that she wasn't taking my advice and it didn't look like she'd start soon. I stopped talking to her. She didn't really want to be helped or fix her problems because she thought she'd lose all the nice things I was saying to her daily to show her that she isn't as ugly, fat, or useless as she thought she was.
I kinda rambled....hope this helped.
yeah, thank you. Its nice to know this isn't all in my head, that I'm not simply over thinking it.
Alyssa, you are not over thinking this whole thing; I promise. Amanda and I actually got into an argument over this whole thing in tenth grade. It was homecoming week, and it was the first year our class had a walk-in. The walk-in was originally supposed to include a salsa dance done by Amanda and Jonathan. Now, she wasn't the best person for this part (coordination and all), but that isn't the point. Two days before Homecoming day, the salsa dance was cut due to time restrictions. It made sense, especially since that part included only two students, and the walk-in is supposed to include as many people as possible for the most time. When they cut the salsa part, Amanda took it personally and managed to tie it in to how horribly treated she is at home. All of a sudden, everything she ever does had been taken from her at the last minute like that day. When I began trying to calm her down, saying that she is exaggerating and should think positively, she went ballistic on me, telling me that I have never had any real problems. I realized then and there that she could never be reasoned with. Alyssa, think about this: maybe she needs that wake up call to tell her that she is not the center of the universe and that there is more out there than drama she creates and that there are people out there in MUCH worse conditions than she is. I think I ranted a bit, too, but hope this helps. . . and, more importantly, makes sense.
i agree with miranda. dont get me wrong i care about amanda too and i hope she gets everything sorted and that she is ok. but you are putting everything on you you dont needto do that. you are the sweetest girl i know and i thank God for you everyday that you are my friend and i know we will stay friends for a long time. amanda as you said is still a little kid and bellieves in those fairy tale endings and one day she will grow up and understand what situation she is in. i dont think she should have moved though i think she should have stayed at home till she got everything settled but thats just my opinion. dont put everything on you. please. and next time you come in town tell me and we will do what ever you want you can choose:> love you girl.
brookie wookie
you're right Dema, I just don't know how to get across to her and frankly I'm too tired to. Im thinking about staying in touch until she gets to minnisota, just to see that she's safe and then I'm just going to stop calling her or answering her calls. BPD's have an extra hard time with rejection and hopefully she'll think we've just lost touch.
I never really saw myself getting into this situation it just happened that way and felt really stupid over it.
Thanks for making me feel better guys.
and thanks Brooke, I love you too
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